


untethered (i never believed in serendipity)

by atruedreamer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Consensual Sex, Falling in love without realizing it, Firsts, Love Languages, M/M, Minor: Atsumu/Hinata, Minor: Suna/Komori, Porn with Feelings, Post-Time Skip, Very Minor: Bokuto/Daichi/Kuroo, an omigiri bingo fic, featuring: a tender dick down, light sass, minor mentions of anxiety, soft build, the power of friendships and letting people in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:15:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atruedreamer/pseuds/atruedreamer
Summary: A story about finding safe places in people,and falling in love without realizing it.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66
Collections: 🐶🍙 omigiri fanfic collection





	untethered (i never believed in serendipity)

**Author's Note:**

> OMIGIRI BINGO/OSAOMI DAY
> 
> Very excited to share this fic with you, my bingo prompts were:
> 
> Firsts  
> Meet Cute  
> Sass  
> Seasons  
> Celebrations 
> 
> Enjoy, and there are more details at the bottom.

_Winter_

Joining the Black Jackal’s was one of those decisions that he sometimes got lost in thought about. There were plenty of other great teams in the league, and yet it had been with a conviction he couldn’t rationalize that he _knew_ he was supposed to join this one. 

That’s not right, he could rationalize it, he had no words for why he’d been so certain, which he knew was because the part of the brain that makes decisions, isn’t capable of language. 

Still, it would have been great to have been able to explain it, if just to himself. 

There had been a spirit of peace that settled over him when he signed his contract to join the MSBY Black Jackals. 

Kiyoomi hadn’t been as sure about the fact that the team lived in shared housing, so he was surprised to find as time went on that he really didn’t mind. It was nice to have people around, and they were surprisingly, almost uncharacteristically tidy. Which had really been his biggest concern. 

Having Atsumu and Bokuto as roommates was a combination he’d been expecting to overwhelm him, and instead it fed a need he’d only recently acknowledged. 

During a team building exercise Meian had made them all take a test to determine their love languages. To his surprise his love language was quality time, and it wasn’t until he was receiving it on a regular basis that he realized how deeply he’d needed that cup filled. 

There was a noticeable shift when Hinata joined the team; taking over the fourth room. Almost instantly after his arrival Kiyoomi’s new home felt both more complete, and also seemingly more lonely. 

Hinata was so steady, and consistent, and his routine meshed well with Kiyoomi’s. They quickly began sharing their morning runs, yoga, and mediation time. It was comforting to have someone else for these activities. 

Both Astumu, and Bokuto were evening runners. Preferring to get in their cool down run after practice, so they could sleep in a little longer in the mornings. 

The four of them worked really well as roommates, and it was a gift to feel a sense of family within this new team. His university team hadn’t been cold, but he’d never bonded with anyone while there. Not in this way, not in a way that opened up a space inside his heart, that he’d never thought anyone other than Motoya would touch. 

The loneliness Kiyoomi felt was his own load to carry. It was a longing for something that he could not see for himself. Something he really couldn’t picture. 

With Hinata and Atsumu, neither of them had even bothered to pretend for very long that they hadn’t each been holding a flame for the other since high school, and suddenly Sakusa found himself the only single one among them. 

Bokuto’s boyfriends made appearances whenever they could get a weekend away. All three of them, currently living in different cities. 

Romantic love, the kind he found himself witness to on a daily basis now that Hinata and Atsumu had gotten together, wasn't something he’d ever considered for himself. 

People were complicated, and messy, and he cringed away from the thought of it. Even if there was a soft ache in his chest at the absence of it in his life. 

—— 

“Omi-san, are you upset about something?” Hinata asked him one morning as they were finishing up their morning stretch. 

Kiyoomi was taken aback, “Upset? Why would you think I’m upset?” 

Hinata’s smile was gentle, as he looked off, thinking about his next words. “Maybe upset is the wrong word, it’s just, I’ve noticed that lately you seem a little… maybe sad?” 

Kiyoomi’s breathe caught in his chest for a moment, he hadn’t realized his melancholy was noticeable. He’d especially hoped to move on from this feeling before anyone picked up on it. 

Hinata was much too observant, he noticed too much, that quality reminding him of Motoya. 

He considered brushing him off, and yet the idea of talking about this, while not something he would have sought to make happen, did have its own appeal. It might help him process the feelings and then he could be done with them. 

His gaze drifted to the back door, wondering how long he had before the other two woke up. 

“Let’s take a walk,” Hinata suggested, clearly picking up on his hesitation. “We can check out the coffeeshop we always run past. 

A half hour later, Kiyoomi found himself sitting across from Hinata, coffee in hand, a quiet between them as he searched for the words to start. 

He’d never considered that he might discuss this with someone else, and he’d spent the walk here turning over his feelings. Grateful Hinata hadn’t expected him to discuss any of it while they walked. 

He took a breath before making eye contact with HInata, “I don’t exactly know where to start, but do you know that feeling when you’re envious of something you don’t even think you want? Something you haven’t ever really considered wanting before, have you ever felt that way?” 

Hinata’s eyes got intense the moment Kiyoomi began talking, the level of intention he put into listening just as intense as with anything else he did. 

“Hmmm,” Hinata mumbled, as his gaze drifted off, thinking about what Kiyoomi had asked him. 

“I think I know what you mean, though, can I ask what you're envious of? Maybe then I can better understand the context of your question?” He asked as his gaze drifted back, head tilting to the side, as his eyes refocused on him. 

Kiyoomi flushed, his own eyes dropping from Hinata’s as he pursed his lips. He hadn’t considered that counter question when he’d asked his own. 

“How do I put this…” he wondered aloud, “So I’ve never really considered the thought of myself in a romantic relationship before. I never gave much thought to building _any_ relationships if I’m honest. Even the idea of building platonic relationships like the ones I now have with you and the others, that had never been something that I was interested in.”

“Motoya was my best friend growing up, and we were family, so it always felt like a permanent part of my life. The idea of putting in any amount of effort for other people, effort that might not be reciprocated, that never appealed to me. I never wanted to start something that someone else might leave unfinished.” 

Hinata nodded, encouraging him to continue, taking a small sip from his coffee, eyes still intent on him. 

“I grew up like an only child, my siblings were so much older than me, and my parents were always busy, so it’s been really nice living with everyone. It feels a bit like being part of a big family, like having siblings my own age. It’s just, now that you and Atsumu are together, and when Kuroo or Daichi are visiting… well I just feel weirdly untethered sometimes. I belong, and also, I’m alone.” 

Kiyoomi frowned, that was the best way he could think to describe how he felt, _untethered_. 

Hinata nodded again, waiting, but Kiyoomi didn’t really have much more to add, there wasn’t really anything to be done as far as he could see. 

“Omi-san,” Hinata smiled, waiting for him to meet his eyes. “Thank you for sharing that with me, it means a lot that you’d trust me enough to open up about all of that.” 

Kiyoomi drew in a deep breath, a small smile forming on his face. He hadn’t known what he’d expected Hinata’s response to be, but he was suddenly very grateful Hinata hadn’t tried to fix anything, hadn’t pitied him. He’d just listened without judgment. For Kiyoomi, it solidified another layer of trust between them. 

He took another sip of his coffee, settling back in his seat. 

——

Just having talked about the strange feelings of envy and melancholy had been enough for him to shift them to somewhere in the back of his mind. 

The quality of his friendship with Hinata after that day was worth having waded into those vulnerable waters. There had been a noticeable shift for him in how close they were. Hinata now felt more like family to him than he ever had up to that point. 

It also shifted his relationship with Atsumu and Bokuto. Without realizing it, he’d accidentally been putting up walls with them just by nature of feeling like he didn’t belong. 

The moment he was aware of his own self distancing he realized how often they tried to pull him into moments to belong. Even Daichi and Kuroo were warm and welcoming once he allowed himself to appreciate it. 

How many movie nights had he begged off from before now? How many times had they invited him to join them for lunches? 

He’d spent so long not realizing he craved quality time, that it had been so easy to slip back into denying it for himself, he was filled with deep gratitude that Hinata had approached him to talk about things. 

A part of him still wondered if he’d ever find himself with a romantic partner, that dull ache for something didn’t go away, but he held it gently now. 

His life could be very full and complete with these plantonic bonds, and he had zero desire to under appreciate them ever again.

* * *

_Spring_

As much as Atsumu talked about, and to his brother, it was a surprise when Kiyoomi registered the fact that Osamu hadn’t been over to their place, at least not that he knew, not since he’d lived there. 

Atsumu would disappear to Onigiri Miya, and Osamu would make appearances at their games, but he hadn’t really noticed that he didn’t come by the house. 

He probably wouldn’t have even thought about it if he hadn’t walked in on Hinata and Atsumu talking about him the night before. Hinata had been urging him to reach out to fix some fight they’d gotten into, Atsumu had been very stubborn about the suggestion. Arguing that he was in the right this time. 

Kiyoomi’s thoughts were broken by the doorbell ringing. He was home alone, and hadn't been expecting anyone, or any deliveries. He got to the front door right as whoever it was, decided to try knocking. 

Bokuto was out of town visiting one, or both of the boyfriends, he wasn’t sure, but he knew he’d gone into Tokyo. 

Hinata and Atsumu had just run out to the store a short while ago after realizing they were missing a few important ingredients for tonight's dinner plans. 

When his eyes locked onto the grey ones on the other side of the threshold, he paused, unprepared for this arrival. It felt like a happenstance that he’d just been thinking about him and here he was; as though the thought alone had summoned him.

“Hey Sakusa,” Miya Osamu addressed him with a small wave of his hand. 

Kiyoomi blinked at him a couple times before he forced his brain to mouth functions to operate, “What are you doing here?” He cringed to himself, he hadn’t meant to sound so blunt. “Atsumu didn’t say you’d be stopping by,” he added on, hoping it softened his first comment.

Osamu laughed, “Nah, this is an unannounced visit. That jerk hasn’t been answerin’ my calls since last weekend, I came to pull his head out of his ass.” 

“An obviously impossible task,” Kiyoomi smirked, “You shouldn’t let him win though, he’ll be insufferable if you do.” 

Osamu scratched the back of his head huffing a small laugh at his comment, “Nah, this one was on me. We both said some things that we shouldn’t have but I definitely started it this time. Anyway, ya gonna let me in?” He asked, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

Kiyoomi’s breath caught for a quick second at the playfulness in those eyes, he rubbed at his chest as he silently stepped back to let him in, wondering at the gentle pang he felt at his center. He couldn’t think of a reason he’d be having heartburn, he hadn’t eaten anything out of the norm today. He’d have to double check the ingredients he’d used earlier. 

He led Osamu into the main living space, settling back where he’d been sitting on the sofa. 

His eyes tracked Osamu where he’d paused in the doorway, observing as he slowly made his way over to join him. 

He realized he was probably being a bad host, even if this wasn’t his guest, “Did you want a cup of tea?” He offered, starting to get back up. 

“No that’s okay,” Osamu said quickly, his hand reaching out to halt his movement, fingers stopping just short of his shoulder, before pulling back. “Actually, I’ll make us both a cup, I remember where everything is.” 

Kiyoomi watched him disappear into the kitchen, his shoulder tingling from the anticipation of the touch, the sensation lingering. 

He slowly let out a breath, confused about why it shuddered out of him softly. He hoped he wasn’t coming down with something. He’d have to make sure to keep an eye on that. 

It felt like time was moving at a speed of its own, he was staring down at the pages of the book he’d been reading but wasn’t absorbing anything. 

What felt like seconds after Osamu had disappeared into the kitchen, he was back and handing Kiyoomi a cup of tea.

He reached out for the cup, and though it was clear Osamu tried to keep their fingers from touching, their pinky’s still brushed, and Kiyoomi felt like he’d been burned. The touch invoking a shudder through him, that he hoped went unnoticed. 

He glanced up, but Osamu was already turning away from him, walking over to the window his own cup in his other hand. 

Kiyoomi sipped at his tea, eyes lingering on Osamu’s back. _See ya round Sakusa,_ he blinked to himself, shaking his head. He hadn’t thought of that memory in years. 

Maybe now was as good a time as any to bring it up. “Hey Miya,” Kiyoomi started, watching as he turned back to him. 

“Osamu, call me Osamu,” he said, Kiyoomi noticed a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks, probably a flush from the warm drink. His eyes drifting down to his own cup. 

“I was wondering if—”

“Hey, Omi-Omi, we’re back! Did ya miss us, we got ya some…” Atsumu’s voice carried down the hall as he made his way from the front door, before he stopped in the doorway, ”What’re _you_ doin’ here?” 

Sakusa watched Hinata pop up from behind Atsumu, “Oh, Samu, hey! I’m glad you came! It’s good to see you!” he said, as he turned to carry their groceries into the kitchen. 

“Shoyo-kun!” Atsumu gasped, “What’dya mean, _I'm glad_ _ya came?_ Yer supposed-ta be on my side! You been consortin’ with the enemy?” Atsumu pouted, clearly offended. 

“I’m always on your team,” Hinata smiled over his shoulder, “now go make up with your brother, it’s been a week!” he added, leaving no room for argument. 

“Omi-san will you help me with this?” Hinata asked him, eyes rolling playfully at Atsumu’s expense. 

Kiyoomi laughed before he got up to follow him into the kitchen, any thoughts of what he was about to say, long forgotten. 

——

After that day it was as though some unspoken permission was granted, as Osamu made appearances more and more often, usually spending time with Atsumu, sometimes for a movie night, and sometimes coming by to test out new menu items on a panel of willing guinea pigs. 

Kiyoomi slowed to a stop just outside the opening to the kitchen, his presence not yet noticed. From where he stood he observed Osamu diligently wiping down the kitchen, preparing the space for cooking. His heart skipped a beat as he watched how thoroughly he went about the process. 

When Atsumu had mentioned that his brother was coming over to hang out with them and that he was planning to cook some of his new recipes. They’d all made sure their schedules were clear. 

Kiyoomi had been on his way to clean the space, not expecting him for another hour. 

“You're early,” he commented as he stepped into the room, revealing his presence. 

Osamu’s face shifted into a soft smile as he continued with his detailed cleaning process, Kiyoomi’s eyes tracking the movement, and the way those eyes crinkled softly at the corners. 

He felt a sense of dejavu, his chest tightening a little. 

“Couldn’t keep away” Osamu replied, his eyes catching Kiyoomi’s for a brief moment before returning to the job at hand. 

Kiyoomi ended up taking a seat on one of the bar stools as he watched Osamu continue prepping his work space. 

Neither of them was compelled to fill the space with words, the silence between them felt weightless, and he lost himself in the comfort of it. 

——

Kiyoomi found himself standing outside of Onigiri Miya early the next morning before opening, waiting for Osamu to arrive. 

When he’d left late the night before, Osamu had been too tired to notice that he’d forgotten one of his bags. Kiyoomi had watched Atsumu whine with him over the phone about hating to wake up in the morning, especially on his day off. The back and forth as he’d hilariously attempted to push the delivery time later and later, only to bemoan at the early hour being requested. 

_“_ I’ll go” Kiyoomi had mumbled at him from his spot on the couch. “Anything to get you to shut up,” he added, smirking at Atsumu’s offended gasp. 

“Omi-Omi I wanna hug ya and punch ya at the same time,” Atsumu said before relaying the new plan to his brother. 

Kiyoomi shook his head, a weird warmth bubbling in his chest, he frowned at the feeling. When he glanced up from his phone again, he caught Hinata’s soft appraising eyes. 

“What is it?” Kiyoomi asked, his own eyes now watching Hinata curiously. 

Hinata just smiled, shaking his head as though to clear a thought. “Nothing Omi-san, just got lost in thought there for a moment.” 

Kiyoomi felt like there was more to it, but he wasn’t one to push. Instead, standing to excuse himself, he now had an early morning in front of him. 

“Hey, Sakusa,” Osamu’s voice breaking him from his memories of the night before. 

Osamu was bundled up, beanie snuggly fit against his head, scarf wrapped tightly around him. Kiyoomi noted the pink in his cheeks and nose from the cold. Something about it made him want to smile. 

“Thanks for doing this, I had some paperwork I needed to get sent off to my suppliers.” Osamu said, quickly unlocking the door, and ushering Kiyoomi inside.

As he slid past him into the building, his heartbeat picked up a little, and he felt his palms get a little clammy. He figured it was his body adjusting from the cold, to the warmth of the restaurant. 

“Come on in, have ya had breakfast yet?” Osamu asked, already unraveling himself from his outer layers. Kiyoomi’s eyes tracked the movement, eyes lingering for a moment before he registered what he was asked. 

“No, I came straight over, this seemed important,” he commented, passing the bag over for Osamu to take. 

“Then go ahead an take a seat, I’ll cook ya up somethin’ delicious.” Osamu smiled at him before turning to make his way behind the counter, opening the bag as he walked. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Kiyoomi told him, still standing in the same place. “You cooked for us last night, you don’t have to pay me back or anything. It wasn’t a big deal for me to bring that to you.” 

“All the same, I’d still love to feed ya, so go ahead an indulge me woulda?” Osamu smirked at him like he’d already won some imaginary argument when Kiyoomi’s stomach chose that exact moment to grumble. 

He rolled his eyes, laughing to himself as he shrugged off his own coat and scarf, pulling off his mask as he settled at the counter. 

When he met Osamu’s eyes again, they were crinkling at the corners again, and Kiyoomi clenched his hand in his lap when he felt a bizarre desire to reach out and touch him there.

He shook his head to clear the thought, watching as Osamu set about prepping the kitchen, going about his opening procedures. 

It was with a strange sense of peacefulness that he found himself again lost in time as he watched him, the silence between them once more, weightless. 

——

The following Sunday, Kiyoomi once again found himself waiting outside Onigiri Miya for Osamu, this time his eyes watching for him to round the corner. 

When he’d been invited to come back, Kiyoomi had been hard pressed to find a reason to say no. The food was undeniably delicious, and the company was so easy he hadn’t wanted to leave. So he’d nodded saying he’d be there. 

When Osamu rounded the corner, he felt some of the tension in his shoulders drop. 

“Sakusa,” Osamu said his name with a smile, and Kiyoomi found himself returning it behind his mask. “Let’s getcha inside, it's even colder today than last week.” 

Once Kiyoomi was settled at the counter, he’d brought his current book with him this time. He sat back ready to dive in while he waited, when he glanced up and caught Osamu’s eyes watching him, his breath stuttered in his chest. 

He noticed that kept happening for some reason, his breath catching, and he couldn’t explain why. Nothing too out of the ordinary was ever really happening, so why was he on edge. He broke eye contact first, mind now wondering about his lungs, it might be a good idea to check in with the team doctor before practice tomorrow. 

The silence between them was filled only by the occasional flipping of a page, and any noises as Osamu moved things into place. 

Kiyoomi smiled to himself when he heard Osamu start humming a little as he worked. His eyes lifting to watch him as he moved about. 

When Osamu began preparing their breakfast, Kiyoomi set his book down and just watched. Osamu hands moved with so much confidence, molding things, and mixing ingredients. He had so much appreciation for people who were skilled in their craft. 

Breakfast was as delicious as always, and Kiyoomi felt warm all over when Osamu sat next to him to eat. There was something so pleasant about this moment, everything about it felt soothing. He was really grateful he’d opened himself up to building more deep friendships.

When they finished, it was almost time for Osamu to open the shop doors. 

“Thanks again for the meal, are you sure I can’t pay you for it?” Kiyoomi asked, not wanting to take advantage. 

“Don’t worry about it, I enjoy gettin’ to spend time with ya, that’s enough.” Osamu smiled, and Kiyoomi felt that warmth settle deeper.

“I’m really enjoying getting to spend time with you too. Thanks again.” 

_“_ I guess I'll see ya later then Sakusa” Osamu said with a smile, as he began to turn in his seat to get up.

_See ya round, Sakusa_

Kiyoomi blinked, the way Osamu had said that, reminding him of that old memory. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Kiyoomi asked, turning in his body in his seat. 

“Sure thing,” Osamu smiled, settling back down, their knees brushed for a moment, before Osamu shifted back a little. 

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Kiyoomi was curious, it had been so long ago, and he’d mostly repressed a lot of that day. 

Osamu’s eyes widened a little, “Course I do, why do ya ask?” 

Kiyoomi shifted his eyes away, suddenly a little hesitant to bring this up and possibly ruin this good thing he’d found, but he had to know. 

“It’s just, well I was curious if that day is why we didn’t become friends sooner. I know I was really intense back then, so I can understand if that was a factor. It’s just that we never really talked again after that.” Kiyoomi kept his eyes mostly on his own hands that he held clasped in his lap, but he saw Osamu’s hand clench in his peripheral vision. 

“I never meant to make ya think I didn’t wanna be friends. I just never really knew how to approach ya again. Sorry if I gave ya the wrong idea. I was a dumb teenager, and I just assumed when ya never brought it up again, that ya wanted to forget it ever happened.” 

Kiyoomi nodded to himself, he’d been a lot less sociable back then. It was a wonder they’d even interacted in the first place. 

He lifted his eyes to meet Osamu’s, “I’m glad we’re friends now,” he said with a smile, the words feeling remarkable because of how true he found them to be. 

“Yeah, me too,” Osamu replied with a soft smile of his own. 

——

From then on, stopping by Onigiri Miya for early breakfasts on Sunday mornings became a regular occurrence. Without ever really making a conscious choice about it, it had become a part of his routine, a weekly indulgence. 

Osamu was easy to spend time with, and when it was just them, it was surprisingly easy to just _be_. He often lost himself in silences that felt like home. Sometimes bringing whatever book he was currently reading along with him, and losing himself in that as Osamu finished going about his opening set up. 

They would eat together, and then Kiyoomi would be on his way. Sometimes instead of silence they’d talk about the latest book he’d just finished, or a new band Osamu had found. It felt great bonding about things that had nothing to do with volleyball. 

Kiyoomi had never connected with someone like he had with Osamu, and it made him wish they’d had the chance to be friends like this sooner. It was something he’d always regret, but was working to let go. 

Regrets were the past, crippling you in the future, and what mattered was the present. 

One Sunday when he got back to the house, he found Hinata sitting on the couch, Atsumu napping with his head in his lap. Hinata held a book with one hand, his other carding gently through Atsumu’s hair. 

It made Kiyoomi smile, Atsumu looked half his age. He wondered passingly if that’s what Osamu looked like when he slept too. 

“Hey Omi-san” Hinata whispered, as he set his book down on the edge of the couch. “Did you have a good breakfast with Samu?” 

Kiyoomi glanced at Atsumu, making sure he was still sleeping, before making his way to take a seat in one of the armchairs. It’s not that his Sunday breakfasts were a secret. He’d told Hinata weeks ago when he’d asked him where he was always disappearing to Sunday mornings. 

It just felt like something he mostly wanted to keep for himself, and he’d never been happier that Atsumu wasn’t a morning person. He just knew he’d want to tag along if he was. 

“I did, it was nice, same as always,” he said smiling as he remembered how animated Osamu had been as he told him about his experience in Tokyo, scouting for a potential second location. 

“I’m glad,” Hinata smiled back at him, “How’ve you been? It’s been a while since we had that talk, I’ve been meaning to check in on you.” 

Kiyoomi leaned back in the seat, mind thinking back over the last several months. He had been feeling a lot better actually. The conversation between them had definitely helped him shift his perspective. 

“Yeah, I’m a lot better actually. I really just needed to shift my mindset. It’s been great since then, I can really feel the quality in all my friendships improving. I’ve been meaning to thank you for that.” 

“That’s really good, I’m glad,” Hinata replied, nodding his head. Kiyoomi watched his lips purse slightly, like he wanted to say more. 

“What is it?” He asked, urging him to speak his thoughts aloud. 

Hinata worried his lip for a moment, before asking, “Are you still struggling with the envy thing?” 

Kiyoomi paused to think about that. 

He hadn’t felt that in a while now that he thought about it. That dull ache was gone, how long had it been since he’d felt that way? 

He glanced over at Hinata and Atsumu on the couch, the sight a few months ago would have made him feel like he was missing something, now he just felt happy seeing them happy. 

What had changed? 

“I’m not,” he answered, a confused smile on his face as he glanced over at Hinata, “I haven’t felt it at all actually, not for a while.” 

“Not since you started having Sunday breakfast?” Hinata asked. 

That took Kiyoomi back, what would that have to do with anything. He thought back over the last several months, his mind supplying a picture of Osamu’s smile in his head, those warm eyes, and he felt himself flush with warmth at the memory. 

“Oh, Omi, you’re blushing.” Hinata teased. 

Kiyoomi’s hands flew to his cheeks, his eyes narrowing at Hinata. “No I'm not,” he replied with a pout. Feeling his face getting hotter, even as he said it. 

“It’s okay,” Hinata smiled at him, “it’s so cute that you like Samu.” 

That one really took him back, that he _what?_

“I don’t like him,” Kiyoomi replied automatically, a little confused at the assumption “I mean we’re friends, so yeah I like him, but I don’t _like_ him.” 

“You don’t?” Hinata asked, sounded unconvinced, eyes narrowed like it was impossible to believe that. “Are you sure about that?” 

——

 _Are you sure about that?_

Hinata’s question had been lingering in his mind for days now. They hadn’t been able to continue their conversation because Bokuto had come bounding into the room right after he’d asked his absurd question, waking Atsumu up. 

Kiyoomi had thought about bringing it up with him again after one of their morning runs all week, but a stubborn part of him felt like that would be admitting that he wasn’t as sure now. 

Which was not the case, he was sure. He was absolutely positive that he didn’t like Osamu, and he was going to get confirmation on that before he brought it up with Hinata again. 

If there was one person in the world who would have his back, it was his cousin. 

Which is why he was now sitting in Motoya’s living room on a Friday night, telling him the entire story. 

“You like him.” 

Kiyoomi looked at him with wide eyes of betrayal, “How can you just say that so sure, I haven’t even finished telling you everything yet.” 

“Rin, he likes him right, it’s obvious?” Motoya asked Suna over his shoulder, both of them turning to look at him as he finished making them all tea. 

“I dunno that I’d say it's obvious, but as someone who doesn’t really know ya all that well, I’d say, yeah, ya definitely like him.” Suna replied, as he made his way over with the tray before settling down next to Motoya, sliding his arm along the sofa behind him. 

“Told ya,” Motoya laughed, stick his tongue out at him, “Trust me, I’ve known you basically your entire life, and I have never and I do mean never, heard you talk about anyone the way you were just talking about him. Do you even realize that your voice actually gets all _soft_ and _wistful_ when you talk about him? It’s kind of gross.” 

Kiyoomi threw a hard glare his direction, which only earned him some more laughter at his expense. 

He leaned back into the chair, pulling the pillow around to hug it against his chest.

He didn’t know what to do with this. He’d never liked anyone before. He’d admired people sure, he’d appreciated people, but hearing Motoya tell him very plainly that he was infatuated. He had to take that seriously. Motoya knew him better than anyone in his life. 

He let his mind drift over the last several months actually considering them through a romantic lens. Suddenly, he felt like an idiot for all the times he’d wondered why his heart was racing, why his breath would catch sometimes when he looked at Osamu. 

The peace he felt being around him, and the way time just floated along. The way he didn’t feel anything close to that way with anyone else in his life, not even his best friend and cousin who he’d known the longest. 

_Oh_

“I’m an idiot,” he mumbled, pulling the pillow up to smash it against his face. 

“Glad we’re on the same now,” Motoya laughed at him, Suna huffing out a laugh of his own. “So what are you going to do about it.” 

Kiyoomi looked at him like he was stupid, he obviously was. “Nothing, this is my issue. I’ll get over it eventually.” 

“Gotcha, so you plan to stay an idiot.” 

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, “Just start the movie.”

There was nothing to do. He and Osamu had finally settled into a friendship, and he wasn’t going to ruin things with his complicated feelings. He’d only just figured them out, what if they went away. What if he changed his mind, or the feelings faded.

The idea of losing the safe place he’d found in Osamu hurt so much more than the idea of never sharing this part of himself. Why risk it all for the minuscule possibility that Osamu wanted him back. He’d gone this long without romance, he’d never thought that was meant for him anyway. 

——

Sunday’s took on a new life of their own after his realization. All of his favorite parts were still there, the contentment, and the peace, and the feeling of home. 

Now though, it was all so much more valuable to him. He was intentional to appreciate it all, more than he had before. 

Every smile, every laugh, every warm silence. 

Now when his heart clenched in his chest, he knew what it meant. When he flushed with warmth, he knew why. When Osamu’s eyes caught his, he registered the way he never wanted to look away and he piled it all away inside a box for him to appreciate when they weren’t together. 

He could do this. 

He could keep his feelings for himself. It would be enough to just be allowed to spend all this time with Osamu, he didn’t need anything more. 

——

They were all sitting around the table. Sitting might be a generous word, they were all crammed in around the table was probably a better distinction. Seven grown men squeezing in around the kitchen table. 

“Yeah, Samu’s love language is physical touch, always has been, since we were kids.” Atsumu laughed, as he reached over to ruffle Osamu’s hair. 

Osamu had come over again with some new menu options for everyone to try. No one wanted to miss out on participating in that, even Daichi and Kuroo making it a point to get into town when they’d heard it was happening again. 

“Oh, Myaa-Sam that’s mine too,” Bokuto exclaimed from the other side of the table where he had both his arms across the backs of his boyfriends chairs. There was some laughter at Bokuto’s antics as he made a point of leaning over to kiss them both on the cheek. 

The noise of it all fading out of his awareness. He’d stopped listening as everyone started sharing their experiences with figuring out their own love languages. 

Kiyoomi was stuck on the idea of Osamu’s love language. He glanced over at him out of the corner of his eye and noticed the way he was leaning against his brother, their shoulders touching. 

Now that he thought about it, hadn’t he seen Osamu hug Hinata when he’d gotten here, he’d hugged Bokuto too. 

He sat back a little more in his chair, his mind flashing to all of the instances from tonight alone when he’d watched him touch just about everyone at this table at some point. 

Everyone except for him. 

His chest got tight at the realization. 

What did that mean? 

He felt tight all over, a tension threading it’s way through his entire body. 

It had to mean something. 

With a sudden clarity he started to remember what felt like hundreds of times when Osamu could have touched him and hadn’t, or had pulled away. His eyes burned a little and he needed to excuse himself before he did something silly like cry in front of everyone. 

He mumbled something about needing to use the restroom, doing his best to keep up a calm facade, as he slowly left the room. 

When he made it around the corner he gasped in a breath he hadn’t realized he’d started holding. Instantly there were tears in his eyes, and he rushed to shut himself in the privacy of the guest bathroom. 

He stood there just staring at himself in the mirror for a long moment. His right hand was gripping his shoulder, the other arm trapping it against him as he all but literally held himself together with a hug. 

It was one thing when he’d chosen to keep his feelings to himself, for himself. Making a choice not to force his feelings on Osamu for the sake of maintaining the bond he’d built with him. With that as a focus, their friendship was enough to sustain him. 

Now though, now he had to question if there was even a depth to the friendship like he’d believed. 

While Kiyoomi was giving his all to strengthen their connection, sharing his own love language of quality time with him. Opening himself up to the deepest connection he’d ever formed with another person.

While he was doing that, Osamu was intentionally keeping parts of himself from him. 

There were fractures in the foundation. 

Kiyoomi felt more tears fill his eyes, some of them actually spilling over this time. He sucked in a shaky breath, holding himself a little tighter. Doing his best to have his breakdown in silence. 

Time rushed around him, and not in the grounding way he’d come to find solace in when he was with Osamu, but in a whirlwind that made him want to be sick. 

There was a knock at the door, it startled him out of his spiral. 

“Omi-san are you okay?” Hinata’s voice called through the door, and Kiyoomi breathed out a sigh of relief. 

With a shaky hand he reached out and unlocked the door, before stepping back. 

The knob turned slowly before Hinata’s head peaked in around the door. He took in Kiyoomi’s face, eyes instantly sharp, before he slid in and shut the door behind him. 

“Omi, what’s wrong?” Hinata asked, the concern pouring from him in waves. 

Kiyoomi wanted to talk, wanted to say something but he couldn’t get himself to do anything more than hold himself together. 

“Okay, I’m guessing that maybe you can’t talk?” Hinata asked, and Kiyoomi nodded his head in affirmation. 

Hinata’s smile was warm, comforting, “But you want me here with you?” Hinata continued, and Kiyoomi nodded again. He could already feel himself beginning to pull himself back together. 

“Okay, good, you’re doing good. Do you want to go to your room?” Kiyoomi shook his head at that idea immediately, the thought of any of the others seeing him like this the last thing he wanted. 

He hadn’t felt like this in ages. When he was younger he’d always felt like he was a breath away from spiraling. Like at any given moment something could happen and he’d fall apart. 

He’d worked hard to get stronger, to not be so easily triggered. 

“Okay, no worries.” Hinata smiled at him. “Do you want a hug? Or would you rather I just stand here with you?” 

Kiyoomi only had to think about it for a moment, “Yeah, a hug,” he was able to croak out. 

Hinata smiled at him before stepping into his personal space, and wrapping his arms around him. Kiyoomi instantly felt a relief wash over him, and he sagged a little, the tension bleeding out of him. 

“Thanks Shoyo,” he whispered as Hinata’s arms tightened around him even more.

It was at this moment that he had to really appreciate the support system he’d built. Sure he’d done a lot of work to get stronger both emotionally and mentally, but sometimes you had to lean on people, and he was so glad he wasn’t alone now. 

——

The next day was the first Sunday he didn’t go to Onigiri Miya. 

It was the first Sunday breakfast he’d missed since he’d started going months ago. 

After he’d calmed down enough to leave the restroom the night before, he’d disappeared into his room, and left Hinata inform the others that he wasn’t feeling well. He hadn’t had it in him to go back to the kitchen and pretend for anyone. 

He’d gotten a text from Osamu with well wishes for him to get better soon. It had been the perfect excuse for him to cancel on breakfast. 

He’d planned to stay cooped up in his room, buried under covers. He was trying to understand why he’d had such an intense reaction the night before. 

Early-morning he got a text from Motoya telling him to come over. Hinata had called him and let him know that Kiyoomi might need him. It was exactly what he’d needed, but he still let himself procrastinate getting out of bed. 

Sitting where he’d sat weeks ago, in Motoya and Suna’s living room, on the same chair with the same pillow hugged against his chest, he recounted the entire story of the night before. 

“You love him,” Motoya told him simply, Suna nodding his head in agreement. 

Kiyoomi couldn’t even argue to the contrary, he’d suspected that was so, but hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself, let alone out loud.

Love was the only explanation for why it had hurt so much. The idea that Osamu wasn’t all in as deeply as he was. 

“Listen, I knew this was going to happen. You don’t do things by halves. You never have. I’d hoped with some time you’d come to the conclusion on your own that you have to do something about this, but Kiyoomi, you have to say something to him.” 

Kiyoomi shook his head, “It could ruin everything.” 

“Doesn’t everything already feel ruined?” Motoya asked him, a sad smile on his face. 

That took Kiyoomi by surprise, because yeah, everything did already feel like it was falling apart. There was no pretending it wasn’t. 

He hugged the pillow he was holding a little tighter. 

It was over. 

He’d found something precious, and he’d ruined it by falling in love. 

“Listen,” Suna spoke up, “I’ve known Osamu for a long time now, he’s not the kind of person to turn his back on people. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he’d never make things weird or treat ya any different.” 

Kiyoomi flopped his head back against the chair, smashing the pillow into his face. His heart was aching at the idea of losing Osamu, at the idea that he’d already lost him. 

Fuck. He was going to have to admit his feelings. He just hoped he was strong enough to handle the rejection. 

“Okay, fine.” He muttered, finally dropping the pillow back into his lap with a pout. “Fine, but I’m not happy about this.” 

Motoya and Suna both laughed at him, one of them suggesting taking him out for lunch, and he felt a little piece of the knot in his chest losen. 

He was going to do this scary, vulnerable thing, but even if it all fell apart. He was different than he was before. He wasn’t as alone as he’d been. He would survive this. 

Lucky for him, he didn’t have any plans to see Osamu until the following Sunday. 

He had a week to prepare. 

* * *

_Summer_

Kiyoomi stood waiting outside of Onigiri Miya, his heart pounding in his chest. He’d never been this nervous to see Osamu before. 

He braced himself when he saw him round the corner. 

“Hey Sakusa, I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” Osamu commented as he stopped in front of him. His smile was bright and warm; it just made Kiyoomi ache. 

When Osamu unlocked the door to let them in, it was the first time Kiyoomi was paying attention to the way he avoided touching him. 

“You do that a lot,” Kiyoomi blurted out, as Osamu’s hand stopped just short of touching his lower back as he led him through the doorway.

Osamu stopped short, the door closing behind him as they stood there looking at each other. He seemed completely confused. “Do what?” 

Kiyoomi hadn’t planned on doing this now. He was going to wait until after breakfast. Planned to try and enjoy one last meal together before he entered into the possible reality of never having this time with him ever again. 

His eyes were suddenly hot, and when he blinked he was fighting back tears, his eyes catching Osamu’s, registering the concern written on his face. 

“Sakusa?” Osamu asked slowly, quietly, talking to him like he might bolt or crumble at any moment. 

It was a fair reaction, Kiyoomi did not feel in control of his own emotions right now. It was terrifying. He’d never felt anything but a sense of peace and calm when he was in Osamu’s presence and right now that reality seemed impossible to get to. 

“Kiyoomi...” Osamu murmured softly, his hands reaching out like they wanted to grab his arms before they dropped back to his sides. 

“That! Why did you do that?” Kiyoomi questioned, with a rushed accusatory whisper. 

“Do what?” Osamu questioned, confusion written all over his face. 

“Why don’t you touch me?” Kiyoomi exclaimed, “I didn’t notice, I hadn’t noticed it, not until the dinner last week when the conversation came up. You touch everyone, but you never touch me!” 

Osamu stared into his eyes, recognition registering on his face as he stood up a little straighter. He actually leaned back, away from Kiyoomi a little and that hurt. 

“Fuck,” Osamu sighed out, the heels of his hands pressing into his eyes. 

They were still standing in the doorway, they’d hardly made it past the front door, if he needed to he could run. He could probably get away too, his stride was longer, he was still a professional athlete it shouldn’t take too much effort. 

He was rooted. 

There was no running. He had to see this conversation to its conclusion. One way or another he would finish this. 

When Osamu dropped his hands, Kiyoomi had braced himself, prepared himself to have feelings he hadn’t even admitted aloud, rejected before he ever got the chance. 

“I’d hoped I'd been more subtle,” Osamu sighed, eyes not meeting his, as he wrung his hands together. 

Kiyoomi bit the inside of his cheek, determined to keep his face free from any reaction. 

Osamu sighed again, before taking a deep breath, clearly steadying himself for whatever he was about to say. Kiyoomi stopped breathing while we waited for the rejection he was sure was about to come. 

“I wanna touch ya all the time Kiyoomi,” Osamu told him, his voice low, but firm. “I wanna wrap my arms around ya every moment of every day, and it hurts my heart a little every time I stop myself. I thought ya didn’t want to be touched, that is the only reason I have ever stopped myself. I felt horrible when I realized I’d touched ya without permission before. I wouldn’t ever want to do anything to hurt ya. I’m in love with ya.” 

Kiyoomi’s breath left him in a gasp, he’d been holding back his reactions as the shock of what Osamu was saying washed over him, his mind instantly readjusting all those moments in the past, all the times he’d almost touched him and hadn’t. 

A love confession was the last thing he’d expected, not when he’d come here to make one of his own. The peace that settled over him forced more tears to his eyes, and his lips wobbled as he tried to smile. 

“You love me?” He was able to get out, his voice cracking a little around the question. 

“I’ve loved ya for a very long time now, liked ya for longer.” Osamu said, his voice more solid, conviction flowing out of him. “I hadn’t planned on putting this on ya, I haven’t wanted to force my feelings. Just gettin’ the opportunity to spend time with ya. It’s been enough for me.” 

Kiyoomi nodded his head, understanding him completely. It was exactly what he’d been telling himself since he realized the depth of his own feelings. So it was with a new found conviction of his own that he smiled back at Osamu. 

“I love you too.” 

The way Osamu’s eyes widened, made Kiyoomi wish this was being recorded. He wanted to remember this for the rest of his life. 

“Ya love me too?” Osamu asked, his voice filled with wonder. 

“I do, I love you.” It was so freeing to be able to finally say the words out loud, to speak them to the person they were meant for. 

Now settled in the reciprocation of his feelings, Kiyoomi steeled himself as he stepped forward into Osamu’s personal space, enjoying the contentment that was rising up within him the closer he got. 

It was never like this, he had never craved another person’s touch, and had certainly never wanted someone to put their hands all over him the way he wanted Osamu to. 

He raised his hand, his fingers coming to rest against Osamu’s face, and the breath he watched him gasp in, at the contact was all the confirmation he needed to keep going. 

He raised his other hand, cupping Osamu’s face between his hands, finger tips finally touching where Osamu’s eyes were crinkling at him through his smile. 

“I want you to touch me too, I want your hands all over me,” Kiyoomi whispered their faces so close now. 

When Osamu’s shaking hands moved towards him, one resting at his waist, and the other moving up to rest against his neck, where Kiyoomi was sure he could feel his pulse racing. It was the most settling feeling. It was the comfort he’d come to know in his presence turned all the way up. 

Osamu’s touch truly was filled with his love. The energy transfer was enough to have Kiyoomi tearing up a little more at finally getting to feel this grounded again after the last week of doubt. 

“I’d also really like it if you kissed me now,” he whispered, eyes darting down to the lips in front of him. 

“Anythin’ ya want,” Osamu murmured as his grip became a little firmer, as he stepped even closer, pressing his lips against Kiyoomi’s in a chaste kiss that was filled with years of held back feelings. 

Time faded out for Kiyoomi as their lips moved against one another, contentment rooting itself within him, the outside world disappearing. As far as first kisses went he had to assume they couldn’t get any better than this. 

When Osamu pulled away it was clearly with obvious reluctance. 

“I wanna to do this with ya forever, I never wanna stop,” he said, his head moving to rest against Kiyoomi’s shoulder, his face turning to nuzzle into his neck, lips placing a gentle kiss there. 

“Then don't, don’t stop,” Kiyoomi whispered back, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“I have ta open the shop,” Osamu grumbled, before pulling back a bit to meet his eyes. “This is real?” He asked, his eyes searching Kiyoomi’s, a little worry creeping into them. 

“This is real,” Kiyoomi said again with a smile, “I love you.” He didn’t think he’d ever tire of saying it now that he could, a deep satisfaction coursing through him. 

It was with a regretful smile that Osamu stepped back a bit, beginning to pull away, before stepping forward again, both hands soft against Kiyoomi’s face. 

His eyes intense as they began roaming over the details as if he was seeing him, really seeing him for the first time. It left Kiyoomi feeling completely bare and exposed, the most vulnerable he’d ever felt, and ultimately absolutely safe. 

“I love ya. Wow,” he laughed a little, “I never thought I'd get to say that to ya” Osamu’s fingers gentle, as they dropped from his face. “Come over for dinner tonight?” 

Kiyoomi’s eyes widened at that, he’d never been to Osamu’s place, this would be a first. He nodded in excitement. “Yeah, I’ll be there.” 

They parted ways, hands lingering where they could before Osamu absolutely had to begin his opening procedures. 

Kiyoomi made it home in a fog, his brain really trying to wrap itself around the idea of Osamu loving him back, Osamu wanting to touch him. Osamu wanting him. 

Osamu _wanting_ him. 

Kiyoomi’s eyes widened a little at the thought. They would be alone tonight, alone at Osamu’s place after they’d just confessed to one another. 

——

Knocking on Osamu’s door later that evening had him humming with anticipation. There had been an anxious energy flowing through him the moment he’d stepped out the house and begun to make his way here. 

It disappeared completely when Osamu opened the door and smiled at him. Was it possible he was smiling brighter than he had been before? Where the crinkles next to his eyes deeper now? Kiyoomi was sure he wasn’t imagining it. 

“Kiyoomi, come on in,” Osamu stepped aside to let him in. 

Kiyoomi didn’t stop himself from stepping into Osamu’s personal space as soon as he crossed the threshold, he leaned in to kiss his cheek because it felt like exactly what he should do. A natural compulsion that he had no desire to stifle. 

Osamu’s arms snaked around his waist, pulling him in for a kiss, his foot kicking the door closed behind them as they stood there in the doorway, lips exploring. 

Kiyoomi’s arms had come to rest on Osamu’s shoulders, and he was sure he could stay here forever, heart swelling the longer their lips stayed connected. 

When Osamu pulled away, Kiyoomi pouted at him, “stop, stopping,” he murmured trying to chase after his lips. 

“I did promise ya dinner,” Osamu smiled at him, “the sooner we eat, the sooner we can get back to kissin’.” 

Kiyoomi was about to argue that they could just skip eating all together, when his nose picked up on the smells coming from the kitchen, his stomach grumbling in betrayal. Osamu raised and eyebrow at him, a look close to _I told you so_ lingering in his eyes.

With a sigh and an eyeroll, Kiyoomi acknowledged his hunger, he had been too excited to eat much of anything all day, so while he’d regret the time wasted, he had to concede that food was a necessary distraction. 

“Okay, but let's eat super fast,” he nodded, stepping back to remove his jacket and shoes. 

When he was finished, Osamu reached for and grabbed his hand, and Kiyoomi felt his heart squeeze in his chest.

Following him as he led him into the kitchen was so exciting, Kiyoomi’s eyes roaming everywhere taking in every detail of Osamu’s home. Noticing that he had tons of framed photos everywhere. He couldn’t wait to explore, and see parts of Osamu he’d never gotten to know before. 

When Osamu led him to a barstool on the opposite side of the small island, he took a seat. Osamu released his hand, but leaned in to press a quick kiss against his temple before making his way to the other side of the island, and it instantly felt like another Sunday morning. 

Osamu fed him his favorite foods, and when they sat at the table, Osamu’s legs immediately intertwined with his. Soft smiles on both of their faces as they ate as quickly as they could. 

After dinner they stood together at the kitchen sink, arms and shoulders brushing as they washed and dried the dishes. 

As excited as Kiyoomi was to get back to the kissing, he couldn’t deny the part of him that wanted to live in these little moments of domesticated bliss forever.

When they finished, Osamu turned towards him, leaning against the counter, his fingers reaching over to trail from Kiyoomi’s wrist gently up his arm, slowly lighting up an inferno within him. His lips fell open, when those fingers moved to rest against his face. 

“It’s not fair,” Osamu whisper, “Yer so goddamn beautiful.” 

Kiyoomi flushed at the praise, eyes closing and he stepped closer to Osamu, wanting to be in his arms. He was not disappointed, almost instantly he was surrounded by Osamu as he shifted them, backing Kiyoomi up against the counter, his arms bracketing him on each side, as his lips pressed up against his. 

“Yes,” Kiyoomi sighed out between one kiss and another. His own hands lifting to tangle themselves in Osamu’s hair. 

Osamu’s lips moving to kiss along his jaw, lips placing one last kiss against his racing pulse before pulling back, “let’s move to the living room.”

He grabbed Kiyoomi’s hand, their fingers intertwining, as he tugged him along. 

The way they almost instantly became a tangle of limbs, Kiyoomi squeezed between the back of the sofa and Osamu’s body as their lips explored. He found himself anchored by Osamu’s firm grip on his waist, his other hand softly resting against his neck, thumb caressing him gently. 

Kiyoomi felt like he wanted everything all at once. He wanted to keep kissing soft like this forever, but he also wanted more, more of what exactly he wasn’t exactly sure yet, but more felt like a good idea. 

So he was filled with a bit of frustrated confusion when he realized every attempt he made to speed things up, was slowed down. 

“Kiyoomi,” Osamu groaned, pulling back to rest their foreheads together, “please stop trying to put your hands down my pants.” 

They were silent as they stared each other down, before they both burst out in laughter. 

Osamu moved to sit up, shifted Kiyoomi up as well so they were both sitting on the couch, bodies angled towards one another. 

Osamu smiled at him, his fingers carding between Kiyoomi’s. 

“Ya know I’m not expectin’ us to do anythin’ more than kiss tonight right?” Osamu squeezed his hand a little. 

“You don’t want to have sex?” Kiyoomi blurted out. 

Osamu’s eyes widened, before a warm smile settled on his face. “Course, I wanna have sex. I just didn’t plan on doin’ it tonight. I love you, ya love me, I don’t see why there should be any rush about sex. I mean I didn’t even think it was possible for ya to like me back before 12 hours ago.” 

“Oh,” Kiyoomi nodded, “Okay, yeah.” A small knot that had formed in his stomach this afternoon loosened. He hadn’t even noticed it was there. 

“Did you actually want to have sex tonight?” He asked him, curiously.

Kiyoomi looked up, eyes connecting with Osamu’s again. He let himself think over what he actually wanted, and compared that to what he’d thought was _supposed_ to happen. 

“Not tonight,” he replied, “but I do think I’d rather do it sooner than later, I really didn't want to stop touching you.” 

Osamu flushed at that, and Kiyoomi’s fingers reached up to touch the pink in his cheeks, smiling when Osamu’s eyes closed and he leaned into the touch. 

When Osamu opened his eyes again, they were serious, “Okay, if we’re gonna do this, how can I make ya feel safe?” Osamu asked him, the grip on Kiyoomi’s hand tightening a little. 

Kiyoomi blinked at him, stunned. He already did that for him. If he was really honest it was unprecedented, how safe he felt with Osamu. 

“I’ve never had sex before,” Kiyoomi told him, “I know I want to use protection, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Osamu smiled, “Yes, of course, so for starters, I haven’t been involved with another person in a little over a year, I was tested after the last time, and I received a clean bill of health, but I’ll get tested again this week just so you can have peace of mind.”

“Can we have sex next weekend then?” Kiyoomi asked, he didn’t have any reason for waiting. The only reason he’d never done it before now was because he hadn’t met anyone he’d ever thought about wanting to have sex with before Osamu. 

“Yer gonna be the death of me,” Osamu huffed out a soft laugh, before leaning to kiss him again. “Yeah, we can have sex next weekend.” 

——

He was going to have sex.

A week from now, he and Osamu would have sex. 

The thought of having sex only exciting him. He was surprised he didn’t have an aversion to the thought of any of it, not when it would be with Osamu. 

Not when he’d been so firm about boundaries and consent. 

Kiyoomi hadn’t even known that people could have such direct conversations about sex, and yet he was incredibly grateful that Osamu was someone who considered that important. He’d really struck gold falling in love with him. 

That night found Kiyoomi completely absorbed in research. Osamu had told him to think about what exactly he’d wanted to do, and he’d quickly found himself deep diving into information he’d only ever passively learned about before. 

He quickly learned there was a difference in the things you thought about when you were pleasuring yourself, and the things you actually needed to know when you would be sharing that experience with another person. 

He now had a deep understanding on different lubricants, and how they reacted with different condom materials, the kind of preparation needed for penetrative sex. He’d stayed up all night reading everything he could find, some of his google searches taking him to places on the internet he didn’t even know existed. Some he wished he could forget. 

He was incredibly exhausted waking up for his morning run with Hinata the next day, but that had been a price he’d been willing to pay. His excitement wouldn’t have let him sleep any sooner if he’d tried. 

When he got back to his phone there was a text from Motoya banning him from texting him with any more of his questions. Kiyoomi hadn’t meant to send him 20 messages, but the questions just kept piling up while he was researching.

 _Text your new boyfriend about this and leave me alone._ Had been his exact words. 

That had taken him a few moments to process. 

Were they boyfriends now? He hadn’t thought to confirm that. The _I love you’s,_ and the dinner, and the sex talk. They probably were right? 

His first instinct was to keep it to himself, until he remembered he didn’t have to do that anymore he could ask Osamu about this. He smiled at that, he didn’t have to store his feelings away anymore. 

They were in love, surely this was a conversation they could just have. 

_Are you my boyfriend now?_ Kiyoomi text him. It was still early, he wasn’t expecting to hear back from him right away but his phone was ringing almost instantly in his hand. 

“Hey,” he answered the call, “Good morning.”

“Will ya be my boyfriend?” Were the first words out of Osamu’s mouth. 

Kiyoomi couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up out of him. The joy filing him up, made him want to float away. 

“Yes, let’s be boyfriends.” 

——

Kiyoomi stood in front of Osamu’s door, his heart was pounding in his chest, the noise of it so loud, it was rushing in his ears. He could barely hear anything, the sound of his own knuckles knocking, a dull thud in the background of his mind. 

He was confused by his nerves. He was excited, he knew he was excited, but somehow a fight or flight response was kicking itself up in him, and he couldn’t explain it. 

Then the door opened, and he locked onto the grey eyes on the other side of the doorway, and all that tension and anxious energy faded away. 

He would never be able to explain his response to Osamu. 

It was an amazing gift to feel so safe with someone else, for him it felt like he was invincible. Osamu made him feel both grounded and free. He never wanted to give this feeling up. 

“Hey you, c’mere already,” Osamu murmured, one of his hands reaching out for Kiyoomi’s, the other grabbing his overnight bag from him. 

Kiyoomi smiled, letting himself be pulled inside, what he was sure Osamu intended to be a quick kiss, quickly taking a turn for something more as Kiyoomi started to deepen it. He didn’t get far before Osamu was pulling away urging him to remove his shoes. 

He led him past the front living space where the lights were still dimmed, and to the open door of his bedroom. 

Kiyoomi stopped short, his heart swelling instantly when I saw that there were twinkle lights everywhere. They were spilling out of jars, and hanging from the ceiling, the only source of light, giving the room this whimsical daydream quality. 

He felt tears rush to his eyes, spilling over before he could even think to stop them. 

Suddenly Osamu was in front of him, his fingers brushing the tears away. “Happy tears?” He wondered, a gentle smile on his face as he appraised Kiyoomi. 

“The happiest tears,” Kiyoomi whispered, pressing forward so their lips met. 

With Osamu’s fingers holding his face, his lips molding to his, he felt himself slip deeper into this kiss again, his body buzzing with excitement. This was his boyfriend, and he loved him, and they were going to have sex. 

Make love? Was it too cheesy to call it that? He didn’t care, he was going to get to have Osamu’s hands all over him and he couldn’t wait. 

When Osamu pulled away, it was with the brightest smile. 

“I thought maybe a bath first?” Osamu murmured, his hands running up and down Kiyoomi’s arms. 

“I showered before I came,” Kiyoomi told him, brow raised a little confused, he’d told him that when they’d been texting earlier. 

“I know,” Osamu huffed out a soft laugh. “I was thinking of a bath just to relax,” He blushed a little, adding, “together.” 

Kiyoomi’s heart squeezed tight, god his boyfriend was the sweetest. 

_His boyfriend_. 

He would never get tired of that. 

“That sounds amazing.” 

——

There were twinkle lights in the bathroom too, the bath already filled. Kiyoomi was impressed that it looked like it was actually big enough to fit both of them.

The scent of lavender and eucalyptus washed over him as he made his way further into the bathroom. 

When he felt Osamu’s arms snake around his waist from behind he settled further into the embrace, loving that it felt like they had all the time in the world. 

“I love that I can just touch ya when I want to now.” Osamu murmured, nuzzling his head into Kiyoomi’s neck, breathing him in. 

“I love it too, I spent a long time thinking this was unrequited.” Kiyoomi mentioned, and he felt Osamu stiffen a little before he relaxed again. 

Kiyoomi pulled away enough to turn around in his arms, “what’s wrong?” 

Osamu’s face was bright red, noticeable even in the dim glow of the twinkle lights. 

“I was hopin’ us havin’ a conversation round _how long_ wouldn’t happen anytime soon,” Osamu muttered, one hands coming up to rub at the back of his head before he lifted his eyes meeting Kiyoomi’s “I don’t ever wanna lie to ya, Kiyoomi, not even by omission.”

The energy around them shifted, and Kiyoomi felt a tension in the air, he wasn’t sure what that meant. 

Osamu lifted one of his hands, resting it on Kiyoomi’s shoulder, his grip sending a flash of nostalgia through him. 

“I’ve liked ya ever since that day ya know.” Osamu said, his smile small, and that made Kiyoomi’s eyes widen. Since that first day? Really? His breath caught a bit in his throat, as he considered this possibility. 

“I was gonna approach ya after that, but I got scared that maybe I’d over stepped, so I just waited, and then waited some more. The time just got away from me.”

Kiyoomi hadn’t considered that Osamu might have liked him for that long. When he’d said _a long time_ , he’d thought maybe since they’d become friends now that he was on his brothers team. He’d never considered any longer a timeline than that.

“I mean, it was really just a lot of years pinning during school, followed by years of _what if_. I didn’t really fall in love with ya until I really got to know ya, but,” Osamu’s eyes lifted to me Kiyoomi’s, “it didn’t take much for me to love ya, Kiyoomi.”

That took Kiyoomi’s breath away, his heart pounding like it wanted to explode from his chest. 

Kiyoomi knew he wasn’t the easiest person to engage with. While he’d spent most of his life keeping people at a distance, arguing that people were messy and difficult, and they were. He knew deep down that part of keeping people at an arm's length was so he didn’t have to watch people decide he wasn’t worth the effort. 

He realized at that moment that subconsciously, a small part of him, had been prepared to enjoy this _until_. 

Until Osamu woke up one day, and decided he was too much. 

That fear had been at war inside of him, at war with how safe and loved he felt when he was actually with Osamu. It explained his anxious feelings when he wasn’t with him, and why they went away when they were together. 

The idea that Osamu had wanted him all this time. Had seen him in varying stages of awkwardness and had still fallen in love with him. 

“I think I was always meant to love you too,” Kiyoomi smiled at him, and he felt any lingering doubt that had been trying to hide itself inside of him fade away. 

——

Kiyoomi closed his eyes, his body was melting into a puddle of warm goo, he hadn’t expected to find the bath so sensual. Sitting against Osamu’s naked body, while his fingers explored every inch of him they could reach. It was a wonderful sense of delightful overwhelm. 

The warmth of the water, the warmth of Osamu’s body against his back, the heat building inside of him as Osamu kissed against his neck, while his fingers lit him up with their feather light touches. 

He’d never realized that his skin was so sensitive. Maybe it was just in response to Osamu’s touch, but he felt like there was electricity coursing through him. 

He’d started getting hard when Osamu began slowly undressing him, and it had only gotten more intense once they’d gotten in the water. Osamu’s touch stayed light and teasing, as he searched for every erogenous zone he could find. 

He leaned his head back against Osamu’s shoulder allowing his exploration to continue, allowing himself to fully melt into the sensations, his perception of time lost the longer they were there. 

When the feeling of the body against his back was warmer than the water, Osamu maneuvered them out of the tub. 

Kiyoomi felt drunk on the energy buzzing through his body. The time between Osamu drying him and guiding him to the bed, felt like the length of a couple blinks. 

He sighed in reaction to the feeling of sinking into the cool, dry sheets, luxuriating in the softness against his skin, his body heavy with anticipation. 

At some point he blinked and Osamu was hovering over him, seeking his lips, and he lost himself in the heat of the kiss, his arms wrapping around him to pull him down so their bodies were connected. 

A moan spilling from the back of his throat as Osamu’s weight settled more fully on top of him, trapping their dicks together between them. 

He felt like he was going to split apart already, and he wasn’t even sure he could count what they’d done so far as _starting_. 

When Osamu’s lips left his, it was to begin trailing kisses all over his body. Moving along his jaw, down his neck, his fingers firmer than they’d been in bath as they led the way. 

When both of Osamu’s hands landed on his pecs, the warmth of his palms rubbing against his nipples, he arched his back into the feeling. 

It was through half lidded eyes that he watched Osamu place gentle kisses everywhere his fingers touched. One nipple, and then the other, lips searching for and paying appreciation to the constellation of moles that decorated his body. 

Kiyoomi’s fingers reaching out to tangle themselves in Osamu’s dark locks, a desire for some anchor point as the sparks trickled their way up and down his nerve endings. 

He’d never felt this way before. His body felt like it could float away at any moment and yet he knew with a certainty he couldn’t explain that he would always be pulled back in by Osamu’s orbit. 

“Kiyoomi,” Osamu’s rough voice called out to him from where he was sitting back between his legs, his fingers gripping Kiyoomi at his hips. “I’m going to open ya up nice and slow.” 

The smirk on his lips, the devious glint in his eyes, Osamu was looking at him like he was a gift he desperately wanted to unwrap, like something he was hungry for. 

Kiyoomi nodded his head, “I might cum before you get very far,” he admitted, his body felt like it was already at a tipping point just from the power of Osamu’s touch alone. 

“Oh I’m countin’ on it,” Osamu murmured, crawling up back to kiss him hard before locking eyes with him. “We’ll just have to make sure ya cum again if ya do. I’m takin’ my time with ya Kiyoomi” 

The way Osamu velvet voice whispered those words punching him in his gut, it was a wonder he didn’t cum immediately. It was both embarrassing and exhilarating.

When Osamu pulled back, spreading Kiyoomi open before him, eyes sharp and focused as he warmed up some lube between his fingers. 

Kiyoomi felt his body tense up in anticipation, and then Osamu wrapped a hand around his dick for the first time and his body melted into the touch. His pumps were slow, but tight and wet, and Kiyoomi’s hands gripped tightly onto the sheets. 

When Osamu slid his first finger in, Kiyoomi couldn’t help but cry out. There was something so different about having someone else’s hands on him. He’s never been able to work himself up like this, not this quickly at least. 

His body didn’t know what it wanted, moving to opposing directions as it chased both the sensation of the hand, on his dick, and the fingers working magic inside of him. 

“Fuck, ya look so good like this,” Osamu’s voice broke into his inner dialogue, and Kiyoomi hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes, when they were flashing open, and the look on Osamu’s face as he added an “I love ya so fuckin’ much,” was what sent Kiyoomi’s orgasm ripping thru him. 

Osamu’s hand firm as he worked him through it. 

Kiyoomi’s body tingled as the remnants of his orgasm shivered their way through him, the aftershocks causing him to twitch occasionally. 

When he finally came down from the high of the single best orgasm of his life, he opened his eyes to find Osamu hovering over him, a smile on his face. 

Kiyoomi then registered that Osamu still had two fingers buried deep inside of him. He’d stopped moving them as Kiyoomi’s orgasm had come to an end. 

“That was fuckin’ hot,” Osamu told him, his lips diving in to claim his, and Kiyoomi’s hands reached up to cradle his face. 

He registered Osamu pulling away for a moment to wipe him down with a soft cloth he’d thought to bring with them, but then his lips were back against his, and they kept kissing, soft and slow and Kiyoomi felt time slip away from him again. 

His body was beginning to light up again, and when he started to shift his body down on Osamu’s fingers, Osamu pulled back, eyes dark and intense with desire. 

Kiyoomi’s felt his heart stutter over itself in his chest. This man wanted him, loved him, desired all of him. How’d he get this lucky? 

Osamu worked him up just as slowly as he promised, waiting until Kiyoomi’s dick was stiff and leaking, until he was begging him for more, tears in his eyes, before he reached for a condom. 

Kiyoomi’s eyes were sharp as he watched Osamu like a hawk, watching as he slid the condom down his shaft, his fingers quick as he added more lube, before he was wiping them clean. He had Kiyoomi lift his hips a little so he could pull a pillow under him. 

When his hands finally touched him again, Kiyoomi breathed deep, his heart racing. He wanted to take in every detail of this moment. The way Osamu’s hands spread his legs a little wider, eyes locking with his as he angled his cock towards his entrance. 

The air around them crackled with the weight of this moment. When Osamu’s head breached him, a gasped sigh spilled out of his lips, _finally_. 

The feeling of Osamu filling him up, as his cock inched its way inside of him, was the most settling feeling. 

It was like the universe narrowed down to this moment, their bodies, their eyes glued to one another, the love they had for each other expressed in this most primal of experiences. 

Kiyoomi’s hands reached out for Osamu, wanting him closer, needing to feel surrounded by him. 

Osamu buried his head in his neck, his arms sliding under Kiyoomi to grip him as he began fucking into him. His breath ragged and wet, whispered, _I love you’s_ panting out of him. 

Kiyoomi’s own arms wrapped around Osamu’s shoulders, fingers finding their way back into his hair, mind dizzy with the pleasure coursing through him. 

He felt his body gearing up for another orgasm, the flush of heat through his system, first towards the tips of his fingers, and toes, before he felt it all start to rush back through him towards his center. 

“Osa…” he panted out, barely able to get a warning out before he was tossing head back with a guttural moan as his orgasm spilled between them. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck,” Osamu was panting in his ear, “Kiyo, I’m cummin’” were his last words as his hips stilled with him buried deep inside Kiyoomi, his own orgasm hitting him. His hips shifting a few more times before his movements slowed to a stop. 

The both held on to each other, panting hard as they came down from their shared high. 

Slowly, Osamu lifted himself so he was hovering over him again. His lips placing soft distracting kisses on Kiyoomi’s lips as he began to gently pull out. 

Kiyoomi’s eyes drifted closed, his body so relaxed he was sure he could pass out at any moment. 

He was barely conscious of the way Osamu wiped him down again, and then slowly adjusted him until he was laying under the covers. 

When he felt Osamu lift the blanket, slipping in close to kiss him. Kiyoomi’s eyes opened and he took in Osamu’s beautiful eyes staring back at him. The twinkle lights reflecting in his eyes, adding to the look of wonder they held. 

His fingers reached up to cradle Osamu’s face. Osamu’s fingers reaching out to do the same. 

“I love you.”

“I love ya,” 

They both smiled, before sleep pulled them under. 

* * *

_Autumn_

Kiyoomi stood in the arch way that separated the kitchen from the living room. It was with a fondness that he watched all of his favorite people relaxing around his new home. A housewarming for his and Osamu’s new place bringing them all together. 

The first year together had flown by, filled with more happiness than Kiyoomi could have ever imagined. It was crazy to him to think he’d once thought this wasn’t meant for him. 

Not just his relationship with Osamu, but his connections with all of these wonderful people. 

His life had been so lackluster once, and he never wanted to go back there. 

He smiled when familiar arms wrapped around him from behind, he leaned back into the touch, his back supported against Osamu’s chest. 

“Mmm, Kiyoomi, I love ya,” Osamu murmured, placing a small kiss on his shoulder before resting his chin, his hold growing a little tighter. 

“You’re such a sap,” Kiyoomi laughed, while pulling Osamu’s arms a little tighter around him. 

“Yeah but I’m yer sap.” Osamu whispered in his ear. 

It was with immense gratitude that he thanked past him for choosing to join this team, with these people. He hadn’t been looking for a silver lining, but he guessed the universe was just doing what it does. 

* * *

_The First Winter_

Kiyoomi moved with a single-minded focus, getting away was all he could give his attention to at this moment. He pushed forward seeking out that one place of solitude to be found in this giant venue. 

He sank down to the floor, back pressed hard against the wall. His mind playing back everything that had just happened. 

_Losing track of Motoya had been the first inclination he’d had that something ominous was coming. He’d hardly had time to panic about that before someone was suddenly in his personal space._

_It was one thing having someone run into him, the unknowns multiplying, but when they’d actually sneezed on him, his mind had almost shut down._

_He hardly registered their apologies as he spun around moving quickly away. It was survival instinct alone that kicked him into motion. He’d raced into the nearest restroom, and proceeded to discard the mask he was wearing, scrub his face and do his best to disinfect himself._

_“Hey, I saw what happened, are ya okay?”_

_Kiyoomi almost didn’t recognize that this person was talking to him. If he hadn’t looked up in the mirror and caught the gaze of grey eyes staring directly into his own, he would have ignored them._

_The moment their eyes met, it was like time slowed, his breathing regulating as though it was the most natural thing, when not two seconds before he’d been moments from a complete meltdown._

_That gaze was like a tether and he held it like his life depended on it. One deep breath, and then another as he took a moment to recenter himself._

_This stranger, this life line, simply stared back, eyes steady, and kind, and warm. They had done nothing that screamed of consequence and yet, Kiyoomi was convinced he owed them a great debt._

_The air around them seemed so still, he wondered if time had really stopped; and then the door to the restroom opened and he felt himself flinch as he came out of the dream like trance he’d found himself in._

_He immediately wanted to run again, his chest clenching, heart wanting to speed back up, and then there was a sturdy grip on his shoulder, and he reconnected with those eyes, this time having turned his head to meet them._

_The warmth of those fingers bleeding a contentment within him was a shock. It should have made him want to pull away, and instead he just found himself grateful. There was something incredible grounding in that touch._

_“Here ya go, thought ya might need a new one of these.”_

_He glanced down and saw this mystery person’s other hand holding out a fresh mask for him to take._

_He blinked a couple times, his mind still trying to catch up with the surrealness of the moment. Then his body, acting independently from his mind, reached out, and opened the package, pulling the mask up to his face and over his ears._

_That earned him what must have been a gentle smile, from the way those warm eyes crinkled at the sides above their own mask. He wanted to thank them, wanted to ask questions he couldn’t even formulate right now, anything to keep them here, keep this moment from ending, but then they were pulling away._

_He’d never longed for the return of someone’s touch as he did in this moment._

_“See ya round Sakusa,” they called over their shoulder, before disappearing back out the door_. 

After that encounter he’d needed to find a place to be alone, get his mind back together. When Motoya finally found him, he was back in control. The mask gifting stranger, unmentioned. 

A secret he kept for himself. 

Even later when he found himself across the court from that gaze, it was something that would remain unspoken for years to come. 

Not even Kiyoomi himself was fully aware of how that one encounter had tied his heart to Miya Osamu. 

Unaware of how the universe would pull them together again one day, because it had also endeared Osamu to one, Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

  
  


_fin._

  
here is a link for [the twitter post for this fic](https://twitter.com/iareally/status/1326306763931611137?s=21)  
  


**Author's Note:**

> There are minor mentions of anxiety, and panic at the feelings of a potential attack. It’s short, but I wanted to mention it. 
> 
> This fic was a labor of love. I took it on two weeks before it was due, without any plans and without having ever thought of shipping these two together before. I fell in love with them during this writing process and I hope you grew to love them while you read this. 
> 
> The song inspiration for this fic, and one of the only reason’s this fic exists, was Goldrush by Stela Cole. I cannot recommend the song enough, you will absolutely see this story in your mind when you listen to it! 
> 
> Enormous thank yous to @briitneybabbles for being the best beta reader I could have ever asked for! She understands me so well, and is a huge reason I was able to power thru finishing this fic in the time frame I had! So grateful! 
> 
> Feel free to come yell at me about hq boys on twitter: @iareally


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